Seeing the sausage being made can sometimes be fun! I’m revising my first AlphaMed story, No Easy Match, and thought I’d share some of the comments I got on my first draft.
Whoa whoa whoa. First the whole ureter thing, now you’re gonna try to pass off a woman as a doctor with a man has her nurse?
Yeah! Finally a REAL man, not like that girly nurse Carl!
Oooooooh. This says it all about him.
Too funny. Cultural clash, anyone?
Trendy new name, or typo? 😛
Ugh, what a twit.
Good hook, wondering if she’s going to get in trouble with Grimes for this.
And now I’m hungry. For a bacon cheeseburger. It’s 5am. THANKS FOR THAT.
Fries. I want fries too. *glares*
LOL, gruesome and cute at the same time. And kudos to you! What a great way to show description!
Wow, what kind of magic pungent crayon are these that they fill the air and overtake the smell of bleach?
Impressive. Hard to slam those lightweight plastic cups, especially when they are full of cola without it flying all over the place.
That’s a cool way of saying “fake smile”! Nice.
Lots of tension here. Too many things to go wrong, personal desires, and weaknesses near the surface.
Yikes. This is so complicated. Grimes knew how she’d react and set her up. I hope he gets his…
LOL, I’m not sure if I like Rick yet, but he’s funny.
More show, less tell. Also…remorseless thing…is that what the kids are calling it these days? 😉
Hooray for my fantastic critique partners!
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